Animal Rights

Eat This, Bourdain

Published December 06, 2008 @ 07:15AM PT

As most of us know, Anthony Bourdain isn't exactly friendly to vegans. Indeed, in his book Kitchen Confidential, Bourdain famously accused veg*ns of being "the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit," calling vegans the "Hezbollah-like splinter faction" of vegetarians. Damn those vegans and their annoying sense of compassion and justice! Curse their commitment to healthy, sustainable, animal-friendly living!

And then there are statements such as this one: "People's choice to become vegan, from people I've spoken to, seems motivated by fear. Like, 'it's possibly toxic, or ungroovy, or poisonous, or loaded with chemicals or some kind of harmful things that'll make me less healthy.'"

Mr. Bourdain, let's talk one on one, shall we? Come close now. I want you to hear me clearly--this is important. Are you listening? OK, good.

You are an idiot.

(More after the jump)

I'm certain that I know far more vegans than you do, and yet shockingly, I don't know a single one who became vegan out of fear. I know lots of people who make fun of vegans or refuse to consider veganism out of fear of what they don't understand or what they've heard is a difficult way of living (it isn't), but I've never known someone to eat delicious, healthy vegan food and live a life consistent with his or her values simply because he or she is paralyzed by some kind of fear.

I know vegans who made the switch because they truly care about animals, and they understand that all animal agriculture--from factory farms to family farms, from veal farms to egg farms--involves inherent, unnecessary suffering. I know vegans who made the switch because they care about the planet on which they live, and they've learned that a vegan diet is far friendlier to that planet and far less contributory to global warming than an omnivorous one. I know vegans who made the switch because they recognize the connections between injustices to animals and injustices to humans, and they see the interconnectedness of it all; they see that violence against animals contributes to, and is related to, violence against humans. I know vegans who made the switch because they wanted to be healthier or lose weight or just feel better and more energetic every morning. Fear, not so much.

Mr. Bourdain? Sir? Can you hear me, sir? I think he left.

I don't like Anthony Bourdain (perhaps you noticed), but I am grateful to the man, for one reason: he at the very least energizes vegans to prove him wrong, which, quite frankly, isn't a difficult task. Because of Bourdain, we have, for example, Hezbollah Tofu, the author of which also likes to have imaginary conversations with Bourdain:

The thing is, you've been talking a lot of shit. And you've been doing a lot of bitching and moaning about how we joy-hating terrorist vegans ruin your day and oppose the aforementioned human spirit. And I know whenever one of us sets foot in one of your tourist traps of culinary mediocrity, you huff around like Paul Rudd in Wet Hot American Summer, roll your eyes, slice some eggplant, charge us $25 for it and take another smoke break. That's cool. We're not overly concerned.

Because, Anthony, you're kind of tragically wrong about us. But don't worry, we're not going to do something silly like picket the Travel Channel or go around bookstores drawing giant penises on your book covers with Sharpies. We have two key advantages over you in this game: we're easily mobilized, and we can cook.

So we aren't just going to "enjoy" food, we're going to enjoy vastly improved, veganized versions of your masturbatory, blood-oozing recipes. And then we're going to compile them, sell them in zine form, and donate the proceeds to vegan outreach organizations and farm sanctuaries--in your name. Anthony, I have to say, I'm really looking forward to the great work we're going to do together for veganism.

I may not like Bourdain, but I do love what he's inspired. Granted, Hezbollah Tofu is on a hiatus right now, but don't let that stop you from scouring the delicious and deliciously snarky archives. This woman takes Bourdain to task and, with the help of friends, veganizes his recipes like no other.

And now he's inspiring expansions in Boston too (thanks to Eric for the alert on this one):

Wheeler Del Torro is expanding his vegan ice cream shop into a full-service cafe serving vegan sandwiches, salads, soups, baked goods and teas.

The 30-seat Wheeler's Cafe & Ice Cream Bar, at 334 Massachusetts Ave. in Boston, will celebrate its grand-opening Dec. 15.

Those who eschew animal products can thank chef/author Anthony Bourdain, host of the Travel Channel's "Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations," for the inspiration.

"Anthony talks a lot of (expletive) about vegans and all this (expletive) about how vegan food sucks," Del Torro said. "This was sort of my giving him and other people who have that perception the finger. We're not sitting around eating dirt and twigs."

----

Food image from the HT post "Seitan Said DANCE"

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Comments (20)

  1. Nathaniel Whittemore

    My food/travel show of choice is Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. There's a dude who loves his food and everyone in the world who eats it with him.

    Posted by Nathaniel Whittemore on 12/06/2008 @ 09:19AM PT

  2. Victoria Marshall

    One thing I've learned from watch Anthony Bourdain is that he respects all the different cultures he encounters & the people in those cultures no matter what their diet consists of. I also like Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. He encounters people the world over who make do with whatever is handy in their envirns be it bugs,worms, eels,gross fungi, you name it. What I would like to see is that AMERICANs & the industrial world learn to eat LOCALLY! Food grown or pastured near where you life is a big step to reducing carbon footprints of shipping food from far away to our grocery stores. What I also hope in response to the original Blog is that Vegans grow their  own. That would make a real statement to me about their intentions to save the Planet.

    Posted by Victoria Marshall on 12/06/2008 @ 04:48PM PT

  3. Jamaka Petzak

    Thank you for dissing this guy -- he is truly ignorant and intolerant of compassion and compassionate peoples' choices to eat low on the food chain (which benefits the earth, all species, and even Mr. Bourgeois, er, Mr. Bourdain, though he knows it not!)  And I love Hezbollah Tofu -- great idea!

    Posted by Jamaka Petzak on 12/07/2008 @ 03:25PM PT

  4. Lisa Smolen

    [creepy music begins to play]

    I'm walking through the grocery store.  There on the shelf is a carton of 2% milk and a carton of lowfat soy milk.  My hand reaches for the soy milk.

    [a scream pierces the quiet of the store]

    I know: watching someone choose compassion over cruelty is scary.



    thanks Stephanie!  This was a great post!!

    Posted by Lisa Smolen on 12/07/2008 @ 03:40PM PT

  5. Dear Lisa,

    Have they told you that soy milk is dangerous? Do you know that they have to cook soy at such a high temperature that it goes rancid and so they have to add chemicals to make it taste good again? Original soymilk was a fermented product.

    Sorry I stepped in this room, but the woman called someone an idiot for his food choices and I have to come to his defense. The Lord gave us the animals to eat. Are you calling Him a liar?

    Posted by S Z on 12/07/2008 @ 04:44PM PT

  6. Lisa Smolen

    "they" haven't gotten around to telling me the dangers of soy milk yet.

    I've been too caught up in the dangers of cow's milk.

    Alive.com
    http://www.alive.com/1301a4a2.php?subject_bread_cramb=455

    Lovely pictures of Yummy dairy milk production: http://www.tryveg.com/cfi/toc/?v=04cows


    Posted by Lisa Smolen on 12/07/2008 @ 05:09PM PT

  7. Lisa Smolen

    Posted by Lisa Smolen on 12/07/2008 @ 05:11PM PT

  8. Dear Sharon,

    We accept your apology.

    Posted by Phillip Perry on 12/07/2008 @ 05:18PM PT

  9. Stephanie Ernst

    Friends, I'm going to head off the religion discussion before it even gets started because it's taken over the comment threads on several other posts already. Sharon, you are entitled to your religious beliefs, but that your God gave animals to you to eat is more opinion than fact. You'll find that this conversation took place to some degree on the following post: http://animalrights.change.org/blog/view/palin_and_the_fun_of_turkey_slaughter

    You may also wish to explore the Christian Vegetarian Association's Web site for another perspective within your religion: http://www.all-creatures.org/cva/default.htm

    As for your assertions about the dangers of soy milk and about the way it's made, I'd be interested to see your source for these statements.

    Also, I'd like to point out, Sharon, that you misrepresented my name-calling. I certainly did call Bourdain an idiot, but not because of his food choices. To the contrary, this was a response to the inflammatory insults he hurls at veg*ns based on their ethical food choices. Veg*ns are the ones defending themselves against Bourdain, not the other way around.

    Posted by Stephanie Ernst on 12/07/2008 @ 05:21PM PT

  10. This will be my last comment here and then I will leave you all to your food-fest.

    Link here http://www.westonaprice.org/soy/index.html
    and here http://westonaprice.org/soy/ploy.html

    Sally Fallon, respected food advocate.

    I will not mention this again, but my reference to God had nothing to do with religion. It is not opinion but fact. Ok, leave it there.

    I drink raw milk from grass fed cows. Without milking them, they would be in great pain because no calf can drink all the milk. Grass fed cows! The most natural of all environments for cows.

    I've had my say. Thanks for that and good luck with getting your issues into the Oval Office. Personally, I'd like to see the President-elect stop USDA's mandate to microchip every livestock animal in the country, including horses, which are not food animals. The program is called NAIS.

    Carry on.

    Posted by S Z on 12/07/2008 @ 05:37PM PT

  11. Joel Gallob

    Reality is, it is much less ecologically harmful to eat wild venison, or home grown sheep, or stream caught fish than to eat beef wrapped in platisc that comes from penned-up, terrified, growth hormone fed animals. The issue is not ethical: it is ecological, we are part of a food web. It becomes ethical only when people kill elephants or cetaceans--they are thinking & feeling sentient beings, and should be deemed morally equivalent to humans and their killing, murder. Ad for other animals, we are, after all omnivores. While a few of us may choose the high road and be vegan, if we want to reduce the massive human footprint on the planet, maintaining wild areas, some open for hunters and fishers, makes better sense than trying to convince people to be vegan. I wish vegans and vegetarians luck, but I do not think their goal or method likely to help stave off eco-catastrophe.  

    Posted by Joel Gallob on 12/07/2008 @ 05:49PM PT

  12. Lisa Smolen

    " I wish vegans and vegetarians luck, but I do not think their goal or method likely to help stave off eco-catastrophe."

    I'm not asking anyone to become veg*n, just to see that we're not hurting anyone with our choices.  Just doing our best to live according to our personal ethics.

    "my reference to God had nothing to do with religion. It is not opinion but fact. Ok, leave it there."

    That's the problem, what is fact for you is not fact for me, therefore making it merely an opinion.  We're all entitled to our opinions, but it confuses me why if we choose not to participate in suffering & death we're criticized so harshly?

    Posted by Lisa Smolen on 12/07/2008 @ 06:04PM PT

  13. Boston Vegan Association (program of Int'l Humanities Center)

    I *knew* Sharon's "sources" were going to be Weston A. Price... Hardly a respected group.
    Joel, the issue *is* ethical. The simple fact is that animals exploited food are thinking & feeling sentient beings, too.

    Posted by Boston Vegan Association (program of Int'l Humanities Center) on 12/07/2008 @ 08:32PM PT

  14. Lisa R

    "My reference to God had nothing to do with religion." Hmmm. Alrighty.

    I read somewhere (Carol Adams? Vegan Freak? Maybe both?) that when people say they don't eat meat because of health, nobody gives them any crap. In fact, they usually applaud them for it. But when someone says they don't eat meat because of morals/ethics, people get all up in arms. Strange.

    Posted by Lisa R on 12/08/2008 @ 07:14AM PT

  15. Ahhhh.... sigh.... health.....

    Take off your blinders.

    Sorry, couldn't help it. Kind of like looking at a train wreck in here.


    Posted by S Z on 12/08/2008 @ 07:21AM PT

  16. Lisa Smolen

    Thanks Lisa, you're absolutely right.  My husband is lactose intolerant.  It's ok.  No one bugs him.  I don't do cow secretions, either, but because of my reasons I get all the crap.

    Posted by Lisa Smolen on 12/08/2008 @ 08:21AM PT

  17. Stephanie Ernst

    Sharon, if you have an actual argument to present, you're welcome to present it, but further remarks that serve no purpose but to insult will be deleted.

    From the American Dietetic Association:

    "It is the position of the American Dietetic Association and Dietitians of Canada that appropriately planned vegetarian diets are healthful, nutritionally adequate and provide health benefits in the prevention and treatment of certain diseases. . . . A vegetarian, including vegan, diet can meet current recommendations for all of these nutrients. . . . Well-planned vegan and other types of vegetarian diets are appropriate for all stages of the life cycle, including during pregnancy, lactation, infancy, childhood and adolescence. Vegetarian diets offer a number of nutritional benefits, including lower levels of saturated fat, cholesterol, and animal protein as well as higher levels of carbohydrates, fiber, magnesium, potassium, folate, and antioxidants such as vitamins C and E and phytochemicals. Vegetarians have been reported to have lower body mass indices than nonvegetarians, as well as lower rates of death from ischemic heart disease; vegetarians also show lower blood cholesterol levels; lower blood pressure; and lower rates of hypertension, type 2 diabetes, and prostate and colon cancer."

    http://www.eatright.org/cps/rde/xchg/ada/hs.xsl/advocacy_933_ENU_HTML.htm

    Posted by Stephanie Ernst on 12/08/2008 @ 08:28AM PT

  18. Sarah Wilke

    "I drink raw milk from grass fed cows. Without milking them, they would be in great pain because no calf can drink all the milk. Grass fed cows! The most natural of all environments for cows." Sharon

    Um...how did those cows get pregnant? The cows were impregnanted (probably by a human via artificial insemination) for the sole purpose of producing milk for YOU. YOU are putting thim in "great pain"!
    Since when do grass-fed cows produce more milk than a calf can consume? I grew up on a "beef" farm (boo!!) where the cows were grass-fed and the calves were more than happy to drink all of their mother's milk. No cows were ever milked, unforetunately they were doomed to slaughter for "beef". :(
    Oh, and the "The most natural of all environments for cows" is to not be enslaved by humans for their milk or flesh!

    Great blog Stephanie...I just came across your intro on Vegan Freak Forums!

    Posted by Sarah Wilke on 12/10/2008 @ 10:14AM PT

  19. Lisa Smolen

    Speaking as a women who formerly lactated, I can tell you with undeniable certainty that your body makes what the baby needs.  No one had to "milk" me, my baby drank what he needed.  Cows and other female mammals lactate in exactly the same way.  They are unnaturally producing more milk than either a normal calf would drink OR that their (the cows) bodies can handle.  Because they are milked by humans, their bodies are stimulated into producing large quantities of milk they were never meant to make! 

    In the natural world, a cow would only make as much milk as her calf needed and when he weaned, she would stop producing milk.  Cows are no different from any other mammal on the planet.

    Posted by Lisa Smolen on 12/10/2008 @ 01:10PM PT

  20. Leatrice  Tolls

    OK.. I need to chime in here.. I like Anthony Bourdain.. got kind a a crush, but i do cringe everytime he waxes poetic on the wonders of pig cheek , snout and tails.. 
    I am an animal rights activist .. erradicating meat from my diet one animal at a time, I'm human, and doing the best I can . I hang out w/ alot of Vegans.. and have learned a couple things about myself, my choices, and my health.. all positive. It is a choice based on reality NOT fear..
    I choose to not eat veal its been a choice for 20 + years based on cruelty.
    I choose to not eat pigs... a choice made since campaigning in Iowa being haunted by the endless stream of deathtrucks seemingly everywhere ... 
    I choose to be agnostic.. kinda like Bill Maher.. the more I learn about the world.. the harder it is to operate out of a belief system inherited, and a book that is so anti humanistic , anti-women, anti-peace and reality..  
    animals on this planet for us to eat being fact?
    I choose NO ! My faith does not support their suffering.
    Emissions causeing greenhouse problems on our planet atributed to animal farts and deforestation for their "raiseing " being 18% .. a fact.. YEPPER!
    You can measure a societies moral progress by the way it treats its animals ... I choose to believe this.. 
    Bourdain.. no matter how you love the pigs parts served.. know one thing.. they cry in choruses like children screaming their way to death daily on Iowa byways.. I won't be having what UR haveing .. although .. would like to have you ! ;)

    Posted by Leatrice Tolls on 12/12/2008 @ 04:29PM PT

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Author
Stephanie Ernst

Stephanie is an independent animal rights advocate, a vegan, a tree-hugging environmentalist, and a freelance editor and writer. She lives in St. Louis with an aging corgi-lab and an adolescent rescued pit bull.

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